Green Day. Blogging. Priorities.

I started writing a blog post this morning after my exercise routine. I got about halfway through it, then my day changed. After the change, I came back to my little sacred corner of my coffeeshop and stared at the half written blog. I came to the conclusion that it will be posted later.

So here I am, starting from the first keystroke... again.

Today, I received some bad news about some people who are close to me.

Though they are very close, I don't think it's wise for me to get into details about them in this circus that I have built for myself on the World Wide Web. The news was painful. It hurt. It was disappointing, infuriating, and much more.

Here I am in this situation. My loved ones are hurting. We are all emotional, and there is nothing to be done for the moment. From some perspectives, it could even be mistaken as hopeless. I know the situation isn't hopeless. I know everything will eventually turn out, but I also know that the bed of coals we have to walk over is very wide. I know if we don't know where to walk, it will only be moments before we panic and start dancing in the coals, burning our feet. I am nervous. But more than nervous, I am heartbroken. I hate to see my loved ones in torment and pain.

So, What am I to do? I come to you, Journal. My heart is full. My hands are on home row.

I did some contemplating in the parking lot, waiting for my daughter to get out of preschool today. This was minutes after I received the news of the oncoming storm. As I sat in my car, I recalled the first few lines of a song I listened to a lot in my youth. Green Day is one of my influences, to be added on my upcoming 'influences' tab on my website. Anyway, I remembered the lines of "21 Guns".

"Do you know what's worth fighting for When it's not worth dying for?"

I looked at the children playing in the park as I ran that line over in my head again and again.

"Do you know what's worth fighting for When it's not worth dying for?"

I knew the news had struck down most of my family. I knew what I would walk into, should I start up a conversation about the topic. There's blame, there's a villain, anger, all sorts of bad emotion. When I thought about those lyrics, my mind blew. for the first time, I questioned the emotion. I looked at my anger right in the eye and asked, "What are you doing here? There is no room for you. Nobody is made better by your presence. WHY are you HERE?"

I was mad at the villain- the person we assigned blame to for this entire mess.

"Do you know what's worth fighting for When it's not worth dying for?"

This 'mess' I am trying to process, it involves people. It involves emotion. It involves motivations. Just last week, I dedicated myself to the Human Condition on the Gat Dang Internet. I should be as good at processing and bottling Human emotion as I'm advertising I am. Otherwise, I am a fraud. I don't want to be a fraud. I want to feel. I have to figure out what to make of this. Otherwise... well, I gotta hop the counter and beg for one of those snappy green aprons. That is not for me. So-- back to the lyric written by Billie Joe Armstrong

"Do you know what's worth fighting for When it's not worth dying for?"

I know art is open to interpretation. This is likely as far from the original intent of the author as possible, but here's my take 🥴.

People are simple creatures with difficult emotions. This life is intense, but it is so valuable. Life is worth dying for, but if we die for it, we don't get it. That makes one hell of a conundrum if one is trying to get their priorities in line. People only do things if they are motivated by something. Everyone is motivated by different things. Be it money, love, or something else... we all choose a path to the same thing. The thing all Humans want- fulfillment. Everyone bets on one of those paths to get them to fulfillment. If we see the path getting narrower, we get skittish. Either we stop going down our path. Maybe we stop chasing money or love. OR, we charge down it because it is too overwhelming to go back. Sometimes people cling onto money or love, because deep down, everyone knows that in order to achieve fulfillment, one needs to build upon themself to find happiness. Unless you are part of your own foundation, you will crack. People who build upon nothing but the things of society will always crumble.

If someone can find themself in a Green Day song and figure out their priorities, this is how I did it-

You ask yourself what is worth dying for, then you fight with your whole being- your soul- your entity... to not die. To take hold of that thing, and dedicate your life to it.

If something is worth losing everything in order to save, it is undeniable that it's worth losing yourself to the same thing for the sake of its presence in your life.