Manual Transmission

The closest typewriter shop to me is in Los Angeles. It is 70 miles away. For the time being, I have to buy my typewriter ribbons on Amazon. I'm not a purist when it comes to writing. I think I'd probably throw the 'office machine' out the window if I had to type an entire manuscript on a typewriter. However, I don't think I could do what I do if I didn't have one. I get mocked all the time for my love of these old machines. "They're not practical!" "What is the point?" "You're just going to have to retype it later..." All of these are valid concerns. But the thing is, a typewriter brings something to the table that my trusty MacBook cannot, discipline. A typewriter does one thing. It directly attaches my ideas to a physical medium through ink. The ideas don't go through a processor, they don't get reflected back to me through a cluster of pixels, My thoughts are permanently and instantly transferred to the world. It gives me what I can't give myself right now. Commitment. Some ideas are terrible. and they go in the trash bin. For better or worse, I open my mind to the world. Much like a Manual transmission in a car, There are benefits to me writing this way. Braking is easier without the torque converter found in an automatic. When I stop, the typewriter stops. It is quiet. It waits for more input but doesn't demand it.. Automatic vehicles have a torque converter and hydraulic pump, which robs the car of a percentage of its fuel efficiency. A typewriter doesn't have internet to distract me. I come to my typewriter, I see only the paper in the carriage. Any thought I have immediately flows down from my mind through my fingers, gets injected into the keys and the type bar is propelled into action. Typing on a typewriter is scary at times. every once in a while, I stall. The machine doesn't do anything. I'll admit, the return lever makes my left hand tired after a while, but it provides so much more control. While a manual isn't for everyone, it certainly has its place.

I ponder sometimes, how silence affects honesty. When we keep our thoughts unspoken, unwritten, undocumented, we maintain freedom. Right? At least that's what I've come to believe, having gone through the things I've gone through. Among other things, my life has taught me that in order to maintain freedom, a code has to be followed. Thought- whether originating in the mind or the heart is a dangerous thing. Thoughts can damn oneself. At least, thoughts can expose people to damning situations. Once an idea, a belief, a feeling, or a truth is revealed, you have to commit to taking it on as your own. You lose the freedom to choose something else that is more accepted, or at the very least, more comfortable to be associated with.

But this freedom in silence... the freedom to backspace. Is it truly freedom we enjoy by not revealing our minds? As I'm embarking on this new career path, I'm starting to seriously question it. This fear of uncovering my mind, while I thought it initially kept me safe- well, now I am not so sure. I'm starting to realize my thoughts are my freedom. Not the silence I've used to sheath them. I've built a prison cell for myself out of bricks of fear. Time wasted, waiting for confirmation that my view of the world is going to be accepted. Don't get me wrong, I view the world as one scary and messed up place... but, if it is indeed so scary and dangerous, don't we need something just as powerful to protect ourselves??? The only thing that I can think of that all humans possess, capable of being used in self defense IS our mind. Our thoughts, our heart. Thoughts are dangerous. Thoughts can be damning. But, when trained- one can use thought to fight off an army. Wit can be used to win a war. I feel the only thing I can do to cope with life, the only thing I can do to live myself is to carry my thoughts holstered on my waist, not locked away in my heart. I have to brandish my brain at the risk of being tackled. For the moment, I live in a country that gives me a sacred right of free speech. To hold my mind as a weapon, defending against fear of the world- fear of acceptance. I need this freedom. I need sanity. I love the commitment that a simple typewriter can execute upon a sheet of paper. Backspace is the thing that will rob us of who we truly are. If we want to live in a better world. we need true freedom. we need true truth. My contribution is to be bat$h!t crazy enough to not just put my heart on the line, but online.